My Soliloquy

I don’t think it is possible to express in words how lame my life is, and what’s really sad it that my life is lame because I make it that way. I am my own demise. Okay so demise is maybe too strong of a word, but it is the first one that popped into my head so I used it. 

Anyway I say my life is lame because I look at my spring break and I yawn, and though I don’t actually have to do anything I can’t eve relax and enjoy it because I have homework that will be do shortly after I get back to school, and the personality type that I am does not allow me to relax when I know there is work to be done. 

All the boringness of my life is wearing on me, but at the same time I don’t like to be going and doing all the time. What a paradox I am. I find myself lame for just sitting at home, yet I don’t really want to go do anything. I know that it’s anxiety that is making me feel this way though. I don’t know what has caused me to feel so anxious, but that past couple of days it’s been really bad. I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin, and I have no way open to me to stop the feeling. 

Argh!!!! I’m living in a constant state of waiting and I’m so tired of waiting. When the heck is something….ANYTHING going to happen? (something good that is) I’m taking life one day at a time but the monotony of my days is very trying. I’m waiting and waiting, and I know I will continue to wait. I’m trusting God with my life; giving all these horrible impatient and anxious feelings to Him everyday. I wait and I hope.

Perhaps I just need more sleep, though that wouldn’t make sense because I’m getting more sleep than I normally am able to. I don’t know what I need other than a positive change to take place. Until that happens….I think I’ll just go off the needing more sleep idea and head to bed. Night.