My Soliloquy

I should really be doing homework instead of writing this blog, but my mind is so full of stuff that I’m totally distracted from doing anything productive. I thought that maybe if I type some of my thoughts out I’d be able to focus better on my homework, so here are some of my thoughts:

I can’t find a work that describes how I’m feeling right now. I’m overwhelmed, but very joyful. Confused, but not necessarily in a bad way, it’s just annoying, but hopefully won’t last too long. I’m feeling a little anxious, but not really sure why, and at the same time I’m really happy. God is so good. I feel like my life is up in the air and I’m just waiting for it to land, and I spend a lot of my time wondering where it’s gonna land, and when. 

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I need to get homework done!!!!

McCain is great, and Palin is the bomb, but Obama kinda scares me. Thankfully God is in control. 

My sister’s cat snores. 

King Josiah was a pretty cool guy. 

What should I do a speech on?

My pastor says I’m bipolar on Facebook : )

I really like supreme pizza.

My husband HAS to be able to kill spiders. Ugh spiders. There were like ten of them between the back door and my room today : ( BIG ONES! And I couldn’t stop freaking out. My mom came to my rescue. Thanks mom.

I wish we had the money we need

I can’t wait to sleep in my bed tonight. 

I’m glad my dad’s okay.

I really want to fly somewhere on a plane. 

I want my car to stop smelling funny

HOMEWORK!!! : (

Am I ever going to get married? I hope so. 

Where am I suppose to go to school next year? 

My house is in desperate need of a new roof. 

I keep getting Christmas shivers. Christmas is so close I can smell it. 

I need to file my fingernails.

I’m gonna miss having a smoothie in the morning, but I will get frosted mini wheats, so that’s cool. 

Ok I feel a bit better. I have to go do homework now.

Yes I am writing another blog about relationships so be forewarned.

Last night I was sleeping (yeah I know that’s weird for me) and I had a dream about a man. But this wasn’t just any man, he was my husband. He wasn’t in the whole dream, but I really enjoyed that part he was in I don’t know where we were but I think we were at like a park somewhere. Anyway we were lying on a blanket each pretending to read a book, but being totally distracted by the other. I remember he was on his back and I was on mine with my head on his stomach, and we just laid there and talked to each other. The dream didn’t really go any further. But just that short dream was so nice. The feeling of being close to someone else, both the physical closeness of just touching, and the more emotional/spiritual connectedness of the conversation was so nice. It’s a closeness I long for, and look forward to with anticipation.  

After I woke up (yeah I was a little bummed to wake up, but oh well I was having some devotional time, and the dream popped back into my head. I thought about it for just a few seconds, and then it was like a light came on in my head. The close companionship that the dream showed to me, was exactly the way the Christ wants to be with me. The way I long for the companionship of my future husband is how Christ wants me to long for Him. Just a few week ago (while I was again caught thinking of my future husband:) God first whispered to me that He wants to be with me like I want to be with my husband. I don’t know why this surprised me, but I was really taken back by this. It was one of those WOW moments. Ever sense this revelation was given to me, when I start to think of my husband I remember how Christ feels about me. I can slightly understand now how Christ longs for me because of how I long for my husband, except I know that Christ’s longing for me is greater. And because I know Christ feels this way I want to be with Him. It’s that whole ‘I love because He first loved me’ sort of thing I suppose. 

The whole purpose behind relationships is so that we can have a better understanding of our relationship with Christ. I thinks it’s pretty great that even though I’m not even in a relationship yet, my longing for one is already showing me how Christ loves me. I still long for my husband to come, and to experience times like the one in my dream, but while I wait I can already be having those experiences with Christ. He is my first and and forever companion.

I’m starting a new chapter in my life. I have to say good bye to my first car. It has been a great one over the years, but it’s gotten tired, and I have to let it go. God provided me with that little purple car just when I needed it, and I’ve been very attached to it because it’s always felt like a gift from my Father. The past couple months though, as I’ve noticed my car tiring out, I’ve been thanking God for giving it to me, and trusting Him to provide me with a new car like He did this one.

For the past couple of weeks my family has been passing a car on the highway that has been for sale, and they kept thinking of me when they saw it. So two days ago my dad and sister checked it out, and decided it was going to be my next car. They told me about it, and I went along with it even though I hadn’t seen the car yet (admittedly I was nervous though). We went to pick it up yesterday, and as soon as we pulled up beside it I got very excited. There parked beside my loyal purple car was a cute little green Honda Civic. I’d always wanted a little green car, and I’d been wanting a Honda for a few years now, and that is exactly what God gave me.  

I have total confidence in God’s faithfulness toward me, and when things like this happen, my faith is built up all the more. I find great peace when God does these things because it reminds me He has my life planned out and provided for already. That’s very reassuring to me when I start to think about my future ministry, and husband and such. I’m so thankful.

So to end this I want to thank God for His love and faithfulness to me. I thank my mom and dad for finding and giving me this new car. And I say farewell to my little purple car. You’ve been a great first car.